What I Do Instead of Yelling: Real-Life Gentle Parenting Tips
Parenting With Love Doesn’t Mean Parenting Without Boundaries
Sometimes when people hear the term “gentle parenting”, they think that it means letting certain behaviors slide, or repeating yourself 100 times while smiling through clenched teeth. But the truth is, it’s not about being soft instead of strong…
It’s about being calm, while staying clear.
Studies show that toddlers who received consistent, compassionate responses to distress had lower cortisol levels (stress hormone) and developed better executive functioning by age 4. This is proof that responding to our children from a calm, regulated place is not only what they need, but is a powerful way to help shape the way they control their emotions as adults.
We Can Be Realistic and Still Aware
The thing is, we are parents aren’t we? And every parent knows that sometimes responding in a calm way every single time, feels like being asked to summit Everest naked: totally unrealistic and honestly? Impossible. That doesn’t make you a bad parent, it just makes you human – and is further evidence that taking care of ourselves is so paramount. (If you need tips on how to care for yourself as a parent when you can hardly find the time to even eat, I have a post on what helped me survive here.)
These are the small shifts that I’ve made that have changed everything in my home. Moments that used to feel like power struggles now feel like connection points. Are there still days where I have to excuse myself from the room and burry my head in a pillow? You betcha. Because I’m only human too. These tips are not perfect. But they’ve brought more peace into our home—and I hope they can help you too.
My Real Life Parenting Tips to Respond Without Yelling
1. I give choices instead of commands
“Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red one?”
“Do you want to hop to the bathroom or walk like a dinosaur?”
Giving options lets toddlers feel in control without creating chaos. It allows them to focus on the choices and the task at hand and has been SUCH a huge tool for us in our home with my high energy child!
2. I get on their level—literally
When I kneel down and make eye contact, something changes. They feel seen. The moment softens.
Do my kids always look at me right away? Definitely not. Do they run away and I have to wrangle them again? Sometimes. But almost always, its worth the wait for them to meet me at their level. Whatever I have to say always sinks in faster, softer, and is more effective.
3. I pause instead of repeating myself 100 times
Instead of saying “Put on your shoes!” over and over, I get close, touch their arm, and wait until they’re with me.
It saves so much energy, and they respond better every time. If I repeat myself over and over, I already know they have completely missed the message, and at that point I feel I’m almost adding to the chaos and overwhelm.
Quick pause, big deep breath reset, reapproach.
4. I describe what I see instead of correcting
“Your cup spilled. Let’s clean it up together.” Not “Ugh, I told you to be careful!”
It shifts the tone—and their response. I speak to them the way I wish someone spoke to me in difficult moments.
5. I stay calm in the chaos
When they’re losing it, I whisper instead of yell. I slow my body, so they can anchor to mine.
I will whole heartedly admit, this isn’t always easy. But over time, with practice, you will see changes not only in your kids but in yourself as well. It can be so easy to quickly get swept up in our little ones huge emotions to the point where you suddenly feel dysregulated yourself.
6. I reconnect before I redirect
Before guiding them away from something, I check in with a “You’re having a hard time right now, huh?” That moment of validation changes how they receive the boundary. Validation of emotions is a huge tool for not just children, but adults too. Often times, many of us just want to be seen and heard, I know I do.
7. I focus on relationship, not just behavior
My goal isn’t a perfectly behaved toddler – because that truly doesn’t exist. My goal is a connected, emotionally secure child. One who feels not just safe with me, but safe to show up as themselves, with all of their emotions.
And that shift has changed how I show up too—especially on the hard days.
Final Thoughts: Parenting isn’t one size fits all, but LOVE can be
These aren’t magic tricks. They don’t erase the messiness of parenting – that is something we simply can’t get around.
But they’ve brought softness where there used to be tension. Just simply knowing “this isn’t the end of the world, how can I approach it with softness” can take some of the weight away from big emotional moments.
Because like I said earlier on – this isn’t about letting behaviors slide, its about holding the boundary, but holding it in an anchored way where your message is still clear. Tears may still fall, but you’re rooted to catch them softly.
In the moments when I’m tired or touched out or unsure what to do, I come back to these little tools—because they remind me who I want to be, not just what I want my child to do.
